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TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2007

5 Reasons Your Partner Makes You Fat

Human Beings turn to food to fill them up when they’re empty. This happens when they’re biologically hungry but it also happens when they’re emotionally hungry. Emotional Eating is the number one reason that diets fail. One area where many people fall short in their level of satisfaction is in their romantic lives.

Read below to determine if your relationship issues could be affecting your weight.

1. They don't provide sweetness, so you look for it somewhere else.

Not to be so literal about things but human beings crave sweetness in life. When asking for affection, lovers say to each other, “give me some sugar.” In a recent study, Rats preferred sugar to cocaine. The sweetness that you long for is love, tenderness, sex, and affection. Oftentimes, when partners fall short of proving those things, people look to sweets instead. If you’re missing the “sugar” in your relationship some of your weight gain could be related.

2. There's something you want to say but you stuff it in with food.

Expressing how you feel in a way that is effective is challenging even for the most mature and evolved people. Many people keep their feelings bottled up. A recent study published in The New York Times revealed how detrimental it is to women’s health to keep their emotions inside. Food can be the perfect aid to keeping words inside. People have even said that they “shove food in to keep angry words from coming out.” If you’re afraid to express yourself you could be keeping your unspoken words down with food.


3. You eat to keep them company.

Many people work different schedules. A woman might eat with her children at 5:00 PM and then eat again with her partner when they get home from work a few hours later. Maybe you don’t want to feel left out or you don’t want your partner to eat alone. There are other ways to keep them company. You can have a tea or coffee. And remember, if you’re not busy chewing, you get to do most of the talking while they listen and eat.

4. They have a different metabolism than you - and you resent it.

Your partner may be able to eat whatever they want and not gain a pound, while you simply look at food and gain ten pounds. This is unfair but a reality of life. People have different metabolisms. Don’t use someone else’s biological make-up to make yourself feel cheated. Part of growing up is realizing that we all work in different ways and need different things to thrive.

5. You eat to get back at them.

When you see it on paper it might not make sense but many people eat things to punish their partners. They know that their partner wants them to lose weight and they’re not giving in. Eating is the way they assert their independence or punish a partner for bad behavior.

POSTED BY !MICHELLE! | 11:06:56 AM

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11 COMMENTS

samgrad86 said...

wow! The part about punishing your partner really hits home. My husband has a perfect metabolism at 47 and looks at food as just "fuel". He is constantly after me to lose weight and watches me like a hawk. This causes me to not eat around him but fly off the handle I caught myself shoving Xmas cookies in my mouth last night while he was on the patio...don't even think I tasted them when he's not there. I know it's my way of fooling him - but I'm really just hurting myself aren't I?

ias8 said...

I really enjoyed this section. There is a lot to say for the effects of a relationship on your waistline. Nice job Michelle

You (me) said...

this article has many truths for me: my husband knows i NEED to loose weight yet brings wrong foods in the house, he won't stop buying groceries and knows even says that i try to eat healthy, i eat to suppress my feelings, anytime i try to talk with him about something important all he does is get defensive, yell, and try to throw it back in my face at a later date, i eat out of resentment, anger and frustration. i'm disappointed, tired, and frustrated about my weight - i weigh at least 50lbs more than I should. i prefer eating out to his making dinner i know that sounds crazy but, when we eat out because i can control what i eat and save 1/2 for later when he cooks it's what he likes with lots of fat, breaded, fried, etc. so that i can only have a very small portion if i eat it and he gets resentful if i don't. to top it all off, he is very lean fit and says he wants me to be too - he says he loves me like i am but says "eww" when he sees an overweight woman, yet has his eyes glued to the tv when a slim one appears. i believe my husband's actions speak louder than words and don't know what to do. i know i am responsible for my weight, i am not competitive or a fighter i don't want to loose weight to prove anything to anyone or to "show them", i want to loose weight for my health, not glamour or resentment, i know i used my weight as camoflouge during my 30's, but now know i need to loose for my health - i don't need weight as a camoflouge anymore. i know i need help and simple diet program that tell you what to eat won't suffice, which is why i am looking into this program. it's bigger than the food i eat - it's me. thank you for the article, it is very true.

Michelle said...

Having sex can make you feel sexy even if your body is not the way you want it be. Practice having sex as though you've already lost the weight you want to lose.

Chiara said...

I eat because I'm tired after work my husband is home later than i am and he doesn't eat with me. we are wmpty nesters and i am bored and going through menopause. Then only attention i get is when HE wants sex which is most of the time. I would comply but I fell like a whale and though I like sex i don't want it like I used to. I do not want to become a boring old fart!

Diane said...

I seriously eat for every single one of the reasons Michelle wrote about. Yikes.

Michelle said...

If you notice a lack of sweetness, you'll have to find a way to communicate with your partner. I highly recommend a book called, "how to improve your marriage by not talking about it" by Patricia Love

Michelle said...

It is not uncommon for a partner to feel more secure when we are overweight. Many women feed their men for this same reason.

Penny said...

my husband seems to want me to be heavy - he is very supportive of everything else I want to do in life and says and acts like he is proud of me when I do lose weight - but other times brings in food he knows I have trouble with and instead of discreetly eating it he will almost shove it in my face - I guess that's his issue but I have to learn how to deal with it as it also becomes my issue

etc said...

So what do you do when you realize the lack of sweetness, or you can't say what you need to or want to.

Cando said...

I was struck by the fact I may resent my husbands measured way of eating while I eat emotionally. I thought I admired him for it, but I realised that sometimes he really annoyed me saying no denying me a good cover to have what I fancy.

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The Shrink Yourself Blog
The Shrink Yourself Blog, hosted by Michelle Fiordaliso, clinical director of Shrink Yourself, gives you expert info on emotional eating.

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